Your mouth is God's brothel.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
