I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize