Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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