Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
