I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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