my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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