I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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