I will die if light touches me.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
