omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
