True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can you bring me the toilet please
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
