There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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