I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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