Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize