Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
