Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
