He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize