Your dad touched me again.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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