I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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