He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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