Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
