Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
