i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Shame - the story of my life.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
