Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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