So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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