that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
