I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
