yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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