i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
