Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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