As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
