i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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