to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize