We won't sleep together?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
