I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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