Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
