It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
