New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
