yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
