I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
