did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
