But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
