I hate your face
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize