I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
