I hate your face
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
