people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
