I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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