Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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