Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
