If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize