hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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