508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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