i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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