ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
