peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
In America we eat man semen.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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