Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
