Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
