Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
