But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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