That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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