Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
