dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
