party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
