We're facebook friends in real life
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
