we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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