I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
