nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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