I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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