I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
