her vagine was all disorganized.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
