Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
