Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
