I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
