There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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