Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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