farters have to be the big spoon...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
