i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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