im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can't put those talents on a resume
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize