Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
