I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
