last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
