we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
