I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
