Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize