That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
