Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
