im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
