Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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