i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is it because I queefed?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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