I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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