all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
