My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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