Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
