What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
