I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
