tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
