My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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