you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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