She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
