I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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