So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
